A Hundred Gourds 2:3 June 2013
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page 13  

Ray Rasmussen - Canada

Daymares while Suffering from Food Poisoning, After Watching a Pirate Movie & Listening to Eliza

darkness hangs off you – you’re everything I’ve wanted in a man 1

Email to Braithewaithe Travel Agents from Cap’n B: Ahoy. Me and me mates be wantin’ passage on yer sailin’ ship. How many pieces o’ eight be ye wanting fer the dozin uf us?

Email to Cap’n B from Ms Appelby: Dear Cap’n B. How fun. I see that you have taken the name of our cruise ship, The Jolly Roger, quite seriously. The costs are listed on our website for various lengths of trips and our ship visits many of England’s quaint coastal villages. Please inform me as to any further information you require. d
ps. I think that you’ll fit in quite well on our costume party night.

Email to Miss Appleby: Them villages, be they like plump chickens, ripe for th’ pluckin’? And be there lusty wenches in ‘em? An a barrel o’ rum fer th’ crew?

Email to Cap’n B: Dear Cap’n B. I see that we shall continue with this masque. That’s fine with me since the office has been a bit slow lately. I must warn you that the villagers would dearly mind it were you to scoop up their chickens and pluck them, ha ha! As for wenches, I assume you are asking whether there would be women booking the same passage, and, yes, that’s likely. As for lusty, we tend to leave private matters to our guests.

Email to Miss Appleby: An yer ship. Have it a plank, or must bes we supplies ur own?

Email to Cap’n B: May I call you Cap’n Blackbeard? Will you be making the passengers walk the plank? And will you be raiding our villages, plundering, burning and taking what you will? That hasn’t happened since the Vikings. It would be so much more exciting than office work!

Email to Miss Appleby: Yarrrrr, we be having plunder in mind, we does, an rum and there's wenches to be plucked too. An thems not wanting what we wants wil suffer th cat an walk th plank, they wil. Yarrrr!

Email to Cap’n B: Oh, my, ye hearty pirate! I get it, honest, I do. Will ye take this lonely lass along?

movie snack time –
weevils in the
biscuit box

Note 1: From the lyrics of "Twisted" by Eliza Gilkyson
Note 2: Complete lyric can be found at


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